After abruptly losing the love of her life, LaurenLondon sits down with AngieMartinez to open up about her relationship with late rapper Nipsey Hussle, how she and her children are doing after his death, the greatest thing she has learned on her grief journey, and she also shared if she’ll ever get into another relationship. Highlights inside…
Since the sudden and tragic passing of NipseyHusslein 2019, LaurenLondon has learned many valuable lessons about life and death. Sitting down with Angie Martinez for her first in-person interview, the actress opened up about her journey through grief and how a deeper relationship with God has moved to the forefront of her priorities. The ladies discussed death etiquette, her legacy, parenting her boys, trauma, and healing.
During Angie’s “In Real Life” podcast, the 37-year-old actress shared how she always thought she would die before him. The “ATL” star said she used to think she would die in her 20s because she didn’t have an attachment to earth.
Once she gave birth to her son Kameron, 12, whom she shares with ex LilWayne, she started to feel like she had a purpose on earth and would be here longer. Before becoming a mother, she used to ask hella morbid questions. She would do things like tell her family what songs she wanted played at her funeral.
”I thought Hussle was Superman, he would live forever," she said of the rapper, who was fatally shot in Los Angeles at age 33 on March 31, 2019. "I thought I was gonna go first. I would always ask questions like, 'What are you gonna do when I die?' I was always so morbid."
Life after Nipsey’s death has been a journey for Lauren, and her sons, Kameron and Kross, who is her 5-year-old son that she shares with Nipsey.
”At first you're in shock, and then there's a lot of attention and love around you," she recalled. "And then people get back to their lives. And now you're like, 'Well how do I get back to my life when it's shifted so much? And then what does life look like for me now?'"
The healing journey has been hard, but she’s fighting through it everyday.
While on her grief journey, she said the greatest thing she has learned is that food helps with depression. She said she's an emotional eater, so her weight constantly fluctuates. When she's feeling sad, she likes to eat Twix candy bars and pizza. Now, she know those foods make her feel more depressed. She said when she eats “higher vibrational foods," she doesn't get SO down and depressed.
When asked if she was proud of herself, she said she was happy that isn’t in the dark space she was in a few years ago.
“Yeah. It’s going to sound crazy, but there was a time I couldn’t even take a shower,” Lauren recalled. “There was a time I didn’t even laugh. And I remember feeling so dark, like, am I ever going to laugh? Something really make me chuckle, genuinely? And yeah, I have laughed and I take a lot of showers. I took one today,” she laughed. “My nails are done. I was really in a dark space. I’m someone that I don’t just feel it, I go in it. I’m just proud that I’m not where I was three years ago.”
Good for her.
As for her kids, she’s doing everything she can to help them sort through their emotions.
”They’re doing great. Much better now. I just love on them so hard,” she said. “I feel like my kids deserve happiness, my kids deserve a very happy mom. They deserve joy. Why would I rob them of that?" she said.
With everything that happened, Lauren said she has been very honest and transparent with her children - not hiding her true emotions after the death of Nipsey.
”This is life. I'm not gonna pretend this doesn't exist,” she said. “This is sadness. I think it's just a choice in parenting. I'm very transparent with my kids. I don't want them to have a false reality of life. I want them to be strapped up and ready to go."
The west coast native said kids internalize everything until they get into their teens, so she’s doing her best to help them cultivate how to deal with their emotions as best as I can through therapy.
”I try to be an example so they see my meditate,” she said. “They come with me on my spiritual retreats.”
Nipsey’s alleged killer, Eric Holder, is currently on trial.
Everyday, Lauren prays for peace and protection. She said she’s not angry, but feels the anger she should feel has been disguised as control. These days, she feels like she gets agitated with people easier and that she has strong control issues.
”Now I have strong control issues that I’m working through,” she shared. “I have to control every little thing in a weird way because, maybe, I don’t want to be angry. Sadness clearly is anger, but it hasn’t shown up like it used to.”
During the conversation, Lauren shared she and Nipsey had “pure love” and although their relationship wasn’t perfect, they both had good intentions. Now, she believes most relationships are ego-driven and she doesn’t feel the need to put herself in that position again. She’s totally NOT here for another relationship.
“We had pure love, but that does not mean that our egos did not get attached in aspects of our relationship. But we definitely had pure love, always good intentions.”
“I think a lot of them [relationships] are ego-driven and they’re not pure,” she said. “So why would I take myself in this vulnerable state into my ego when I’m trying to get out of it? I’m in death of the ego space. Why do I need another? Why? Does that make my life complete? I’ll never get married does that mean I’m not on purpose?” she said.
At this point in her life, Lauren said she's content with just serving God because she has already experienced pure love.
Thousands gathered at the Staples Center to pay their respects to the Grammy Award winning rapper. Angie praised Lauren for how put-together she looked at Nip’s funeral. Lauren shared it was actually Diddy who helped make that happen because she originally just wanted to wear sweats to the funeral.
“I can honestly say God was carrying me through that,” she said. “That wasn’t me, that was all God. I didn’t even want to get dressed, I was going to wear sweats. Puff pulled me aside and was like, ‘Look, you have shown everybody what it looks like to hold a man down and to love him, now show them what it looks like when it all crumbles. That’s your responsibility.’ He’s like a real brother.”
Later in the conversation, Lauren admitted she wanted to leave Los Angles because the city feels "heavy" for her, but she said she’s not right because because she doesn’t think it’s the right time for her family. If she had her way, she would move to the desert and just...be.
Watch her candid interview below:
Thoughts?
Photos: YouTube Screenshot
